The journal of a dominant as he explores his first fully D/s relationship in a long time.
Ask me anything
Edit: A single dominant's journey to find his submissive. His thoughts and musings and attempts to not fall into the trap of being an asshole.
Expect journal entries, reblogged posts with exposition of things that he wants to do or just did.
What tips can you offer others in dealing with these narcissists and egotists?
Identify them. They often come in different styles and flavors. This document assumes that you are the leader of the group. If you are not the leader then tactics need to adjust.
The Wolf; helpful, experienced, and more than willing to assume control when you’re not there. But then they will cross a line, push a boundary, they will test the limits and force you to either confront them or allow more extreme actions from them. Once you face them; once you tell them “No”, then they are the victim. And you’re their new target. The wolf will also attempt a coup if you’re not wary.
They will befriend and insinuate themselves into your circle of friends . They will use social media to advertise this, to isolate you.
How to deal?
Their ego is all important to them. It bruises easy and demands retribution for the smallest slight. They will often suppress this need for vengeance up until they are established and secured in your group.
Have a code of conduct that people sign that has a provision for banning people from your group if they violate it.
The Baron: a fantasy, dangerous, obsessive, jealous, and overestimating in his own abilities. He will keep reinventing himself with a new fantasy persona; the heir of nobility, an international business person, a vampire, a descendant of the third reich.
His goal is to find his perfect submissive. A no limit painslut to call his own. Once found, he will vanish from the community with her only to reappear every so often to keep people from being too curious.
He’s a heavy player and will forego negotiations and warm up in favor of inflicting extreme pain. If his victim isn’t able to match him, he’ll throw out the ‘not a real sub’ line.
He’s very jealous and possessive, but his emotional stability is as fragile as the wolf’s ego. If a submissive breaks it off with the baron then he will fixate on her. No emotional manipulation is taboo. He will try anything and everything to attempt to get her back.
He believes himself safe from harm and will publicly reveal his plans for retaliation against those he feels has wronged him. He is a mass destruction kind of person , instead of going after one person, he’ll attempt to pee in the water supply just to get his entitled revenge.
How to deal; don’t allow persona’s of obvious fantasy and teach the submissives negotiation and the power of no. A code of conduct as above.
The governess: a head mistress with a harem of subs and other dominant personalities that she has wrapped around her finger.
She is the final word in her home and feels that the world works the same outside of it. She has several warm bodies she can use to form a wall of “obey me ” when she feels the need to intimidate somebody.
If that fails; she will resentfully fall in line.
She feels free to use a munch or an event outside of her home as her neutral ground to deal with her own internal issues. A small crowd outside the restaurant that leaves a girl crying because her mistress just tossed her out of the house with no warning and no shelter.
How to deal: Do not be intimidated. Have a code of conduct that she signed off on that prohibits her from using your group as her disciplinary board.
The Lord: A sly one. He’s been sent by unseen powers to bring your group to heel, never mind that you’ve never signed on with any such group. He butters you up with how well you’ve been doing and he’s willing to lend his experienced hand to help you accomplish his goals.
He’ll drop names, they all do, he’ll say all the right things, but when an issue comes up, he’s the first one organizing your fellow leaders and friends into a secret meeting without you and making a case to remove you.
How to deal: Ignore him. Stay good with your friends.
The absentee coLeader: this one is more difficult because they are often genuinely busy with their own lives; college, work, etc. but when they agreed to be a coleader, they were excited about the prospect.
The problem starts when they have obviously made their leadership in the group a lower priority than what it was before, but refuse to relinquish the position because of the perceived prestige. They resist and resent any attempt to fill the void their absence causes the group.
How to deal: just do it and weather the storm. Again a code of conduct that allows for absent leaders to be dealt with helps greatly here. Unfortunately they will resent this act and it will likely spur them back into an enthusiastic ‘I’m a leader’ attitude, buts a manic state. They will go back to their other priorities soon.
I’ve mentioned a Code Of Conduct several times now. The biggest lesson I learned when founding and running a growing group was to have some way of either enforcing a code of behavior or filtering out those that do not fit your vision. I learned too late to have and enforce rules that helped protect my efforts.
If you are not the leader of the group but recognize these personality types, then get with your group’s leader, don’t be silent. If there is somebody in your group making it uncomfortable for people to come out, then say something. Make it difficult for them to operate with impunity.