A Dominant's Journal

redbrokenprincess asked: I don't think you're an asshole :) I find your blog fascinating.

Thank you.  

It’s complicated

I’m just going to say that the Third Shift job with my nights off in the middle of the week isn’t working for me anymore.

I enjoy the job okay, but my nights off are severely inhibiting my social life to the point of not having one.

I wouldn’t complain about this were I married or if I had a girl.

But I have neither.

What I do have is confusing the shit out of me.

I have somebody I see as a friend getting butthurt because I’m not interested in being their dominant, but since I’m an assertive man, I’m sending them mixed signals.

I’ve been dating this girl. We’ve shared secrets. Neither of us ran from the other. This is important.

I like her, but with my schedule and living arrangement, there has been precious little opportunity to do anything erotic with her. Her schedule is full and her situation just changed to something I’m not 100% comfortable with.

She’s marked herself as somebody else’s submissive and while I think I understand the reasons for this change in her life, I’m still not comfortable with the idea of being that guy who is dating this other guy’s sub.

Compounding this is my awareness that this may actually be in her best interest which is struggling against my desire to not share.

I think it would be different if I were in better accomadations with more money. If I were closer to what Christian Grey is described as.

My thoughts at this point are to tone back on developing the relationship further, meet with the other guy, get a feel for their dynamic and where I fit into it. And then focus on myself; better job, better pay, and better living conditions.